


no need for shame if you're not actually a pervert

by ani_coolgirl



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, M/M, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Pegging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 01:35:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15939056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ani_coolgirl/pseuds/ani_coolgirl
Summary: Tucker isn’t a pervert. But he is. But not really. It’s probably Church’s fault. (aka, Tucker watches his best friend and his best friend's girlfriend have sex and feels funny about it.)





	no need for shame if you're not actually a pervert

**Author's Note:**

> I might open up this AU at some point, but as of now this is a one-shot. Thanks my friend who told me to get back to posting stuff because it's good for motivation.

Tucker isn’t a pervert. Well, he is, but only when the ladies want it that way. He’ll try anything once, with enthusiasm, as long as everyone involved is on board. He’s always ready to rise to the challenge (bow-chicka-bow-wow). But he’s not a _pervert_ pervert. Not a peeping tom or a creeper or anything like that. He’s not. So the only conclusion he can come to is that this is in no way his fault and the blame lay squarely on the shoulders of either Church or Tex. Probably Church.

It’s late-ish, and when he stumbles into the apartment all the lights are off. He was supposed to crash at Grif and Simmons’ place (that’s what he texted Church--okay, so maybe it’s a little bit his fault), but those assholes were giving each other that weird sappy looks they gave each other when they’re _really_ drunk, and there’s no way Tucker’s sticking around for that. So he manned up and walked (more like wobbled) his way back home at one in the morning, sullen that his Friday night was cut tragically short by the mushy repressed cockbites he calls friends for some reason. The minute he walks in he’s tripping over a giant pair of sneakers (fucking _Caboose_ , even when he’s not living there he leaves his shit all over the place), but catches himself on the couch before hits the floor.

A muffled voice from the bedroom. Church is still up then, even though the guy bitches endlessly about getting his precious eight hours. Probably on his laptop then, the fucking dork, trying to get ahead on work before his supposedly incompetent coworkers could screw anything up. Goddamn control freak. Tucker is readying a perfect chewing out for abandoning him on a Friday night _again_ (the weekend starts at five o’clock Friday, everyone knows this), raising his hand to push the door open…but the door’s already open. Not all the way, but enough. Enough to see everything inside, illuminated by the glow of a single table lamp.

The first thing he notices is Church’s naked backside, and really, it’s not it’s not his fault considering he’s got it raised up in the air and presenting like a fucking mandrill. It’s not bad either. Fucking pasty, but considering Church likes to pretend he’s allergic to sunlight half the time, not surprising. The second thing he notices is Tex’s flawless tits, and that’s when it clicks he should look away, for a couple of reasons. One, because how the hell could he notice Church’s ass before Tex’s tits? Two, because if Tex knew Tucker’s seen her naked he would die. Just dead, instantly. Church’s never elaborated on Tex’s military history, but he knows she’s like an army ranger or special forces or some seriously badass shit. That, and she’s just a fucking mean bitch in general. He wouldn’t even see it coming, probably.

Tucker doesn’t look away.

It’s the alcohol that saves him, sort of. His lips manage to mouth _what the fuck?_ a couple of times, but nothing comes out. Of course, he doesn’t manage to turn the fuck around and go to his room either, so, yeah, maybe alcohol could go fuck itself. Sort of like how Tex is fucking Church. Right now. At this very moment. Bow-chicka--

Nope. Can’t even do it in his own head right now. Because even as Tucker wrestles to regain command over basic motor functions he’s managed to notice a third thing other than Church’s ass and Tex’s tits: a goddamn huge black dildo. Well, strap on. A very large fake phallus currently attached to his roommate’s girlfriend.

Slowly, Tucker’s beer-addled mind puts together the pieces as his vision adjusts to the dim light, painting the picture before his eyes.

Tex, even balanced on her knees, is a commanding figure. Her expression is unimpressed (as always, the smug bitch) as she draws nonsense patterns on Church’s ass, the other hand idly stroking the dildo like it’s real. Lubing it up, Tucker realizes a second later. She leans forward a bit to drag the head of the toy down between Church’s cheeks and laughs when he flinches. She grabs his hips and drags him back into place, then pulls his legs even farther apart, studying with a critical eye. Absolute queen of her domain.

Church, on the other hand, is actually shaking slightly and Tucker has half a mind to be pissed on his behalf until he notices that the guy is unbelievably hard, cock straining and red. But he makes no move to touch himself, giving only a frustrated whine and clenching the bedsheets, looking ready to tear them apart.

“Goddamn tease,” Church snaps, albeit weakly, and Tucker is reminded once again that this is actually happening and he should probably not be watching his roommate and his roommate’s girlfriend have sex. However, the practical part of his brain, which is very small and quiet at the best of times, is completely drowned out at the moment because holy shit, his best friend likes to take in the ass.

Tex chuckles. “Patience is a virtue,” she mocks, and wow, yeah, goddamn tease. She lets go of him completely and Church, who’d been focusing very hard on a spot on the wall, whips his head around to look for her. If Tucker didn’t know any better he’d say Church almost looked _panicked_ , like Tex could magically disappear in the two intervening seconds.

“Eyes forward, Church.” The command comes hard and fast, but Church only obeys after a few heartbeats have passed.

“Sorry,” Church mutters, and out of everything he’s seen so far that is probably the most shocking of all. Because Church apologizing? Rarer than a goddamn solar eclipse. In all the time he’s known Church the only time he’s managed to get the guy to apologize was for breaking his phone--and “sorry your cheap shit is so fragile” isn’t exactly the most heartfelt of apologies (Church bought him a new one, but seriously, what the hell?).

Tex makes a small noise of what Tucker assumes to be approval, apparently accepting the apology. “But seriously, hurry the fuck up,” Church adds a moment later, and _there’s_ the Church Tucker knows and is constantly annoyed by. Tex gives him a firm swat on the behind, but Church only grumbles and shifts around on the mattress.

“You ready?” Tex asks, rubbing the newly formed red spot.

“I was ready five minutes ago,” Church replies with a snort and _wow_ , that sets off Tucker’s bullshit meter like nobody’s business. The forced bravado is ridiculously obvious, and a very Church thing to do. But if anyone knows Church better than Tucker it’s Tex, whose arched brow reveals her disbelief.

“Yeah. Sure.”

“I said I’m ready, okay?” Church’s tone dips from irritation into anger. “Let’s do this.”

Tex sighs. “Sure, Church,” she relents, avoiding a fight. “If you say so.”

“I do,” he bites back.

Tex shakes her head, but gently spreads Church open. A little shiver wracks Church’s body in response and Tex smiles. Keeping him open with her left hand, her right index finger presses forward, presumably rubbing against the exposed hole. Church’s breath hitches and, to his annoyance, Tucker’s breath matches his. Even through all the beer, his dick is starting to take interest in the proceedings. He tries to focus on Tex’s breasts (because goddamn if they aren’t magnificent), but his gaze keeps dragging downward.

“No more teasing.” Church tries for annoyed but mostly just manages breathy and desperate.

“My rules,” Tex says, a stern reminder. Church shuts up but moves back against the hand opening him up, urging her to go faster. She doesn’t though and Church is forced to settle for squirming.

Tucker rubs the front of his jeans. Just a bit. Not a pervert, remember?

Eventually, Tex is satisfied, replacing her finger with the tip of the dildo and Tucker’s reminded once again how friggin’ huge the thing is. Tucker’s no small guy (and neither, apparently, is Church, holy fuck, why does he keep noticing these things?), but he’s feeling a bit insecure here. Christ, only Tex of all women could somehow manage to give Tucker penis envy. It occurs to Tucker that this couldn’t possibly be the first time they’ve done this, not with a toy that large, and now he’s thinking about how many times they must’ve done this in the apartment. Tucker knows they’ve had sex here before (because, well, _duh_ , dude’s gotta get laid somewhere), even heard them once or twice, but he knows they weren’t doing _this_. He would’ve known. Somehow. Right? Meaning Church was hiding this from him deliberately. Definitely Church hiding it, because Tex wouldn’t have any problem parading this fact (the fact that Church _totally_ digs anal, holy shit) in front of Tucker. Probably.

Tex braces herself, one hand on Church’s hip, the other helping guide her inside. The moment the head pushes all the way inside is obvious because Church just _groans_ and the look on Tex’s face is all satisfaction. She continues pushing in slowly, the toy disappearing bit by bit, until she’s seated all the way inside.

Tucker expects Tex to fuck Church hard and fast. From what he knows (and heard) of Tex that seems more her style. But instead, she just waits for Church to adjust. The smugness and pride he’s long associated with her are absent, replaced with boundless patience, like a benevolent goddess. And Church?

Church is _wrecked_.

His arms struggle to support him as he shudders violently around Tex’s cock. Every breath he claws for air as a thin sheen of sweat slides down his body, his eyes squeezed shut like he’s in pain. Tucker’s never seen him look anywhere near this level of _gone_ , and he’s seen him in all states of sobriety and sanity. Tucker feels cheated it took this long to see it.

“I’m going to move now,” Tex says. Church nods with a stiff jerk of his head. She pulls out about halfway before pushing back in; carefully, repeats herself, always gentle. The woman’s a machine, never speeding up or slowing down, only adjusting herself once Church cries out, making sure to hit that spot over. And over. And over.

Church starts talking again, eventually. Babbling, really--“Tex, Tex, _Tex_ , Jesus, fuck, please, fuckfuckfuck _Tex_ \--!”

\--sounding like he’s on the verge of tears. Tex runs her hands down his flanks, like soothing a spooked horse. “Shhhh. There we go. There we are. You’re so good for me like this, aren’t you?” Church whimpers, groping blindly for a pillow and presses his face into it. She runs her fingers up through the dark hair at the nape of his neck. “It’s okay, you don’t have to hide from me, do you? We’re okay.”

Tex sounds so… kind. Serene almost. And Church… Tucker should not be hearing this. Or seeing it. He’s the hardest he’s been since high school.

“Harder, please,” Church whispers, and will the wonders never fucking cease? Church saying “please”? Tex consents without a word, increasing her speed by only a fraction. It’s enough for Church though, who writhes in response and digs his fingers even harder into the sheets until he collapses, arms finally giving out. Tex effortlessly follows him down, never halting the thrust of hips, pressing her breasts against his back to embrace him.

Eventually it’s too much. Tex gives a minor shiver, her rhythm stuttering for the first time, and Tucker pieces together that she must have cum. But she keeps going until Church convulses beneath her, biting the palm of his hand to muffle the cries as he orgasms. “Ohgodohgodohgod--" The shaking goes on an impossibly long time, Tex never letting up, dragging out the release for as long as possible. When it’s done, Tucker’s not sure who he’s supposed to be jealous of: Tex, who’s clearly some kind of sex goddess, or Church, who obviously just had the best orgasm of his life.

Tex eases Church to the mattress. Wipes him down with a sheet and tosses it aside. She starts to pull out, but Church reaches back and grabs her hand, stopping her.

“Just wait. Just wait a minute.”

They breathe. Tex kisses the back of Church’s neck and whispers something against his skin. Her head tilts towards the open door.

Tucker remembers how his legs work.

He bolts, all the dexterity and speed robbed of him returning all at once as he dashes to his room. Only at the last minute does her remember to not slam the door shut, easing it closed before rushing to kick off his shoes and jeans. He gets his dick in his hand and starts working it with no hesitation, hot and bothered and sweaty enough that the thought foreplay is a fucking joke.

He’s thinking about Tex’s tits. He’s thinking about Tex’s tits. He’s thinking about--

Tex’s tits and their hypnotizing bounce when she’s pounding into Church like a piston, and Church’s ass as it clenches all greedy trying to take in more, and Church’s fucking _face_ when he comes, like he’s fucking _dying_ , without even being touched--

It’s over quick, cock pulsing in his hand and cum coating his fist and he curls in on himself, eyes wide and face burning.

So. Apparently he is also a repressed cockbite.

Tucker wipes himself off with tissues, tosses them in the general direction of the trashcan, and flops onto his back. He recognizes the guilt and shame clawing at his insides, but alcohol and sudden exhaustion drag him stubbornly towards sleep. Already he’s filing the incident under _shit we pretend never happened_ (it’s not a small folder), but even as his eyes flutter shut he can still see Church and Tex and that goddamn dildo, and Tucker is figuring out that he’s probably jealous of both of them and he has no idea what the hell that says about him or his dick. 

Repressed cockbite. Also pervert. Fucking wonderful.


End file.
